December 3rd….it’s less than 2 weeks away. The days inches closer and closer, and again I’m caught off guard. Can it really be 7 years already? SEVEN…. Seven years without her in my life, Seven years packed full of memories, and not one of them with her. A wedding, newlywed, questions about marriage, 5 big moves, hard decisions, life changing decisions, relationship questions, a much wanted pregnancy, a very sick pregnancy, a sweet baby, questions about a new baby…..too many to list. She has missed out on so many of my “big life moments.” I miss her with my whole heart, but I can’t wish her back. Not back to a life of cancer, of pain, of heartache. But I miss her. I miss being able to call her up and ask her questions about her granddaughter. Questions that she would have, could have answered. I miss being able to call her up and ask her about a certain recipe she used to make. The simple things….that’s what I miss the most.
Me and my mom….umm…years ago…
All of us girls at our cousins wedding 2010
As I watched Sadie look at my hands this past week, I remembered looking at my momma’s hands. She had the most delicate hands, and yet they were still larger for a woman’s (Thank’s to her Grandpa who had Bear sized hands!) She had the prettiest fingernails, and when she grew them out she loved painting them an opal color. But her hands did hard work too. Raising 11 children, canning, cooking, cleaning, gardening….how she loved to have her hands in the dirt. I wonder what Sadie will remember about my hands? Will she have good memories about them like I have of my mom’s? I hope so.
So as this day approaches….I’m remembering my mom, in the small things. Her hands. Her big toe nail – that was never straight, it always had a crooked nail on it (and I wonder why mine won’t grow straight!), her bigger than life smile, her laugh that could fill an entire room. Her kind eyes. Yes, I will remember her for who she truly was. A lover of life, a lover of Jesus, a lover of family.
I hope I can be half the woman she was. She was one of the special people…..